Tuesday, October 6, 2015

My Kimmie...

I've learned something about myself: I suck at making friends.
I mean, I'm a talker, and I can get along with anybody, but real friends? Like, best-best friends?? That's hard. 
I remember when I was younger I went through multiple "best friends," and back then, they meant everything to me. Sadly, due to family moves or changing schools, every one of my "best friends" became just normal friends. After years of being attached at the hip, my best friend(s) and I were forced to be separated. Now that I'm older, I have a lot of friends- just look at my FaceBook! Over 600 friends??? Wow, that's nice, too bad that's all they are... FaceBook friends... The people I'm closest to, honestly, would be my family- so would that mean my sister, Suzette, is my bestest friend?? Ya, I can definitely see that..! I would also like to consider Kassie one of my closest friends, we're so alike and into the same things, it's always fun to hang out with her! But, there are many times when I feel like we're so different... Different values, different ways of thinking... Then there's DATP. A group of wonderful friends who I know I can spill my guts to, no matter what, and they would still love me. We've been friends for years and years and I don't know what I would do without them- easily a group of my best-best friends. What I love about them most is how versatile we all are. We're all growed up and living our lives, but we still love and cherish one another as if nothing has changed since high school. Actually, I think it's because we're all apart now that we'r closer. It's definitely different. And, no offense, I do sometimes feel separate from them because of our distance- but can a group of friends really be considered a person's "best friend"? 
You see it all the time in television and movies: two best friends hanging out, doing everything together, talking into the wee hours of the morning. That's the relationship I've always wanted and never had. For a time, before I graduated high school, I felt a close relationship to Sam- the youngest of my dear Harkiewiczes. There was a short while when I felt that maybe Sam was my best-best friend, but as time went on and our paths grew apart, I realized that wasn't the case. I still love my Harkiewiczes, and I always make time for them when I visit home (and I am so proud of all that they have done individually), but it seemed that I was still looking for that special friendship.
I know this sounds lame, honestly it sounds like a desperate/ thirsty desire for one's "true love," and that's kind of how it feels. But I'm not gonna lie: I think having that special person in your life, your absolute best friend, is more important than that. Maybe it's because I've never been in love, so I don't know what I'm talking about, but a best-best friend is that special person you can always depend on and will always be by your side. They're just like family, who love you unconditionally, but aren't forced to do so. That's what a best friend is.
I don't know how this turned into a sort of love letter, best friend hunt fairytale, haha, but here's where I meant to get to 30min ago when I started this post. Basically, I think I finally found my best-best friend and now we're being separated... Again... That's how it always ends up, but I think I'm ok with it. When I was younger, I hated having to switch schools and leave my best friend behind- we never had a means to stay in communication. Now that I'm older, however, I'm in control of who/ how I communicate with people. Even if I move away from my best friend, we can still text/ call/ FB, whatever- there's no way we can lose communication. 
As for the person, her name is Kim. Oddly enough, we didn't really talk much when we first met. It wasn't anything dumb like having sparks flying when we first met, or anything, we hardly even knew each other. We were in band together and we sometimes saw each other in the AG Barns. The only reason I knew her was because she was friends with my friends. Eventually, she started dating Nate (one of my best friends at the time from Middle School) and that's how we really got to know each other. Since we had mutual friends, we saw a lot of each other, that was it. Junior year of High School we were in the same production: Alice in Wonderland. After being in the show together we actually became friends rather than just acquaintances. I even helped her practice for Drum Major auditions- I think that's when we started to really hang out on our own. Senior year of high school we saw a lot of each other. We were actually in the same band and spent a lot of time together. One day, near the end of the year, she noticed I was wearing a UNT wristband. That was when we realized that were going to the same university. The story gets pretty simple from here: we ended up rooming together at UNT. It was great because we found out we were a lot alike, from our sleeping habits, exercise routines, hobbies. She was still dating Nate at the time, who I eventually learned was a real whiny-baby. Within the next year she broke it off with Nate (we don't really talk about him anymore)... Kim helped me land my first job at Subway and eventually we both started in Herbalife. For two years Kim even spent Thanksgiving with me and my family. As the years progressed, we grew a little apart. She dropped school for a short time for work while I stuck to it; however, this last year kind of changed things. Maybe it was because it was my senior year and my departure was upon us, we became even closer. Anytime something big was happening in her life, things she felt she couldn't tell anyone else, I was the one she called. I think it was the first time this happened that I started to realize that maybe Kim was my best friend. I never really put much thought into it until then. We had an understanding- like with DATP- it didn't matter how often we spent time together, when were with each other, everything was the same. It was as if we were picking up a game from a save point. Kim knows me better than most people, and I feel like I can say/ do whatever I want around her without being judged. She helps me make good decisions (haha) and I help her keep a level head. I know it sounds like I'm saying we're a married couple or something, but that's what happens when you're best-best friends..! I mean, "Our Song" is, after all, Love Is An Open Door from Frozen, so there you have it. (-u-)
Anyways, I had to say goodbye to my best friend. On my last day in Denton, I went to visit her at work, just a mandatory farewell, but when I went in to give her a hug, she started crying. That just killed me. It was like I was saying goodbye to my Mom on my first day of college. Kim started saying how she didn't want to see me go and that she hated that I was leaving her for Disney... that's when I started tearing up... Damn it, Kim! 
It's been interesting not having Kim to hang out with whenever I feel like it, but we still talk several times a week, which is more than I do with others, so that's saying something. Our paths may be far apart from each other, but we're both working equally as hard to keep our friendship alive, and I think that's how I know. I finally have someone I can write to and tell anything to. A best-best friend I know will always be there for me, and that's fine with me. (^-^)

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